The Call Me Dr. Love

I was playing bass in KISS.

Weird.

Driving Test, Spaghetti and Meatballs, and the First King of Spain

I was taking the written portion of my driver's exam, which was being administered in a basement bomb shelter. Oddly enough, the questions were as follows:

1) Who was the first King of Spain?

2) Where was the Popsicle invented?

3) How many drops are on Coney Island's "Cyclone"?

Clearly, I was upset because none of this was in the study guide - a point I brought up to the proctor.

"Don't worry," he told me as he slurped a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. "You'll kill it on the driving portion of the exam. Let's go do that!"

Excited, I followed him to the parking lot where he pointed me to the vehicle in which I was to complete the driving tasks... a Yellow Bus.

"Ah, fuck!" I yelled. "This is fucked! I don't even know how to pick up kids!"

Weird.

Dear old ma

My mother was an elderly black woman.

Weird.

(Full disclosure: I'm a white, Italian/Polish-American.)

Adolf Hitler and a fake Italian accent

Adolf Hitler was giving me, my sister and her husband a tour of his house in the Hamptons.

He was wearing big designer sunglasses and was drinking iced tea out of a mason jar.

I was using a fake Italian accent so that Hitler wouldn't know my real identity, which --for some reason -- would spell certain doom.

Weird.